Assume the position

by FellMonster

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credits

released September 3, 2012

Written, recorded and produced by Ricky Graham.
Bass by the enigmatic and most wonderful Rex P. Barker III

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Track Name: Fifty Shades Of Grey
I was in the kitchen, I was making food
When I turned round to see her, she was in the nude
And I was, taken by surprise
I was gonna ask her if she wanted a brew
When I turned round to see, I got full frontal view
And I was quickly on the rise

She’s been reading “Fifty Shades of Grey”
Now she’s on the rampage, it’s no lie
She keeps saying, she’s gonna make my day
Her hands are full of gags and cable ties

I was in the garage, I was rootin’ around
When she appeared behind me, threw me to the ground
And she said, that she needed ‘fixed’
Was just about to tell her ‘bout the dirty task
When I turned round I realised she was wearing a mask
And my neck was being licked.

She can’t wait to get me naked
She can’t wait to be alone with me
Track Name: The Jungle Book
She makes me call her Balloo
She makes noises fit for a zoo
She does things I wouldn’t do
And it’s becoming a chore
She calls me Mowgli too
I’m barefoot, I’m without my shoes on
Loincloth wrapped as you do
I’m heading straight for the door

She is mine, love her forever but I’ve had enough of this
She is mine, she’s thinks it’s sexy but I think she’s taking the piss
Fuck the Jungle Book (I want to be Simba)
Fuck the Jungle Book
I can’t wait
Oh I can’t wait to be King

She’s like Bagheera diseased
I want Shakira upon her knees
King Louie’s up in the trees
And this is a swingers zoo
She likes to tug on my vine
She’s clearly having a great time
I want the birds and the bees
I don’t know what to do

She is mine, love her forever but I’ve had enough of this
She is mine, she’s thinks it’s sexy but I think she’s taking the piss
She is mine, love her forever but I’ve had enough of this
She is mine, she’s thinks it’s sexy but I think she’s taking the piss
Fuck the Jungle Book (I want to be Simba)
Fuck the Jungle Book
I can’t wait
Oh I can’t wait to be King
Track Name: Casting Couch (Accidental Moviestar)
They told her......she could be in movies
They told her she could be a star
They told her they wanted her to audition
They told her to leave the door ajar

That’s when they asked her to take her clothes off
Before they asked her to open wide
And when they said, “My pretty, It’s time, dear, to get dirty”
It finally dawned on her, the cameraman had lied

They told her, she could be like Audrey Hepburn
That she could have a great career
They told her that she had a supermodel’s body
With them as her agent, she’d have nothing to fear

That’s when they asked her to take her clothes off
Before they asked her to open wide
And when they said. “My pretty, It’s time, dear, to get dirty”
It finally dawned on her, the cameraman had lied

She had waited such a long, long time
She was out of money and was still in line
She waited long, long time
Her patience had finally run out

They told her......she could be in movies
They told her she could be a star
They told her they wanted her to audition
They told her to leave the door ajar

That’s when they asked her to take her clothes off
Before they asked her to open wide
And when they said. “My pretty, It’s time, dear, to get dirty”
It finally dawned on her, the cameraman had lied
Track Name: Patient In Love
I crashed my car into the side of a house last month
So that I could be near to you
I had my kidney taken out in a transplant operation
So that I could enjoy the view

And though I try to profess my love – it’s just no use
I’m just another patient to you

She is the one; she makes my heart beat strong like a drum
In her uniform- she is my fantasy girl and I’ve gotta be patient in love

I rubbed a neighbour’s cat all over my eyes last week
knowing I had an allergy
Put my hand into a pot of boiling water
So that I could go to A & E

And though I try to profess my love – you just can’t see
I keep self-inflicting these injuries

She is the one; she makes my heart beat strong like a drum
In her uniform- she is my fantasy girl and I’ve gotta be patient in love
Track Name: Scratch
Love is a losing game; even though you try, you can’t refrain.
You deceive, be deceived just the same.
And you can’t deny, we’re both to blame.

I’m in the shadows , you’re in the shadows, we’re in the shadows, we’re all out in the shadows.
I’m in the shadows , you’re in the shadows, we’re in the shadows, we’re all out in the shadows.

I don’t know why, oh why do I try? There must be some fight left in me.
I’m sick and tired of always being wrong; will someone please come and help me.
I don’t know why, oh why do I try? There must be some fight left in me.
I’m sick and tired of always being wrong; will someone please come and help me.

Love is a testing time; you get sucked in, it’s your place or mine.
It’s relief, the grief and the blame, but you can’t deny that they all feel the same.

I’m in the shadows , you’re in the shadows, we’re in the shadows, we’re all out in the shadows.
I’m in the shadows , you’re in the shadows, we’re in the shadows, we’re all out in the shadows.
Track Name: A Gentleman Never Tells
Everybody is looking for something but no-one knows what it is.
So raise your glass and touch her ass, it's time to party and back to mine for the biz.

If you're lookin' to get some, you shouldn't say: you never know what'll come your way. If you're lookin' to get some, you shouldn't say: you never know what'll come your way.

The golden rule is that a gentleman never tells.

Everybody is looking for something but no-one knows how to get it.
So raise your glass and touch her ass, it's time to party and let's just hope we don't regret it.
Track Name: Lothario
Young nubile ladies, God has been so kind, when you're around you're taking over my mind.
Those curvy ladies, have never been so sweet, when you're around, you're certainly a pleasurable treat.

Hold me close and always remember, gonna be my girl forever and ever but you don't love me, no you don't love me.

My cougar lover, God has been so kind, those healing hands are helping me to unwind.
Those curvy ladies, have never been so sweet, I'm feasting my eyes on your thighs and they're having a treat.

Hold me close and always remember, gonna be my girl forever and ever but you don't love me, no you don't love me.

Place your hands upon my thighs, you're in line for a nice surprise.
Track Name: Threesome
She's from Mississippi, I'm from Tennessee.
She likes playing dirty while my favourite number's three.

When love strikes, it swallows you whole.
When love bites, it swallows you whole.

She's being more than friendly and I'm too blind to see that she likes doing doggystyle while my favourite number's three.

When love strikes, it swallows you whole.
When love bites, it swallows you whole.

Why'd she have to go and break my heart?
Why'd she have to go and break my heart?
I knew she was trouble, when she climbed out from the rubble, I knew she was trouble from the start.
But why'd she have to go and break my heart?
Track Name: She's Like A Model
She smiles at me within magazines, She is the hottest thing that I’ve ever seen. I close my eyes and she’s in my dreams, I’d like to be with her for a day.

But she won’t sleep with me, She still retains her dignity.
But she can’t sleep with me, She’s just a girl in a magazine.

Her hair sits perfectly
My God she is fine
But my head keeps thrashing
On this headboard of mine
Close my eyes ‘cause I’ve got a picture in my mind
While my hands keep working away.

She is the girl of a thousand styles,
She’s got legs that go on for miles,
She’s got the poise and she’s got the grace,
She’s got the body and she’s got the face,
She’s got the lips and she’s got the pout,
She’s got this whole world figured out,
She’s got the lashes and the 10 year plan,
And I’m just desperate to be her man.

But she won’t sleep with me, She still retains her dignity.
But she can’t sleep with me, She’s just a girl in a magazine.

Her hair sits perfectly
My God she is fine
But my head keeps thrashing
On this headboard of mine
Close my eyes ‘cause I’ve got a picture in my mind
While my hands keep working away.
Track Name: One Track Mind
I gotta stay true, I gotta be anything other than being too gentle.
Me and my girl we have a one track mind.
I’m thinking all blue, I’m thinking of you when I see your legs come into view. Me and my girl we have a one track mind.

I know that the time is coming closer, I know that the time is now.

Stay with me tonight yeah, to the morning light when we wake up.

I gotta be strong, I gotta makes sure that I can go all night long yeah. Me and my girl we have a one track mind.
I know I’m a flirt, I know it won’t hurt, I’m running my hands under your skirt. Me and my girl we have a one track mind.

I know that the time is coming closer, I know that the time is now.

Stay with me tonight yeah, to the morning light when we wake up.